Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On

1. Eddie Hazel "Frantic Moments"
2. Beach Boys "Thats Not Me"

3. The Raincoats "Animal Rhapsody"

I feel pretty lonely lately. My wife started a new job during the day and is phasing out her old night job. Which means for a while it’s a lot of doubles. So, during the day I’m getting my Michael Keaton on, then working night shifts in a greese pit, and so on.

I’ve never really been one for extended solo trips. Its why I hated Sundays when I was a kid. All of your friends were at Sunday lunch with Grandmas old stinking ass, or getting their holy ghost party on. My family didn’t do shit. We sat around and listened to each other swallow. Starting when I was about 8 or 9, on “Sunday”, I clung to the floor in front of my stereo. ALL FUCKING DAY. Which was real great and all that but, by noon, I was dick deep in a mind hole. Accompanied by blank stares, and detached conversation. Driven only by boredom, and self loathing, I moped, drew invisible pictures on the carpet for hours, talked to myself, listened to non-stop heavy metal for a couple of hours, then I would drop some Kid N’ Play like it was my fucking job for another couple of hours. I practiced dance moves for my fantasy appearance on Star Search. I would sit in the bath tub all alone and sing. I would lie in the floor with my head in this book shelf I had for hours, just listening to myself sing or hum along with the music. Sundays were pretty depraved, and quite pathetic. The ability to carry out 2 and 3 hour long Air Guitar sets is pretty fucking useless in life.

I mean, I would play outside, or draw or do some other shit like that for a little while. But, when I was 8 my attention span was pretty minimal and corny. I needed stimulus. I’m not really sure what it is. Even if a lot of shit is going on around me, or I’m directly involved, my mind wonders. Not just to a bad place but, just wonders, and after too long I get way out there. I’ll seem like I’m withdrawn or disconnected from who or whatever is around me, but I’m just really far off in my own random thoughts.

I’ve felt this more often over the last couple of weeks. And now its just really building up. Where, the last 3 mornings I awoke in a fucked up mood, already in a mind hole. There is no right side of the bed for me lately.

Well, there really is no resolution to this shit. That was it. I’m bored, lonely, and sick of spending entire days without speaking to anyone who can speak back.

So, above I listed a couple of songs I’ve been listening too lately. Not necessarily relevant, just songs.

Enjoy the music, ignore the trifling ass text, and stay tuned for more interesting shit.

Oh yea, i almost forgot. Waking up to this video clip I found on another blog made me feel better than a motherfucker today. This dude wasn't playing. Too bad now you know he's working at Kinkos or doing data entry somewhere. Homie looks like a sober Mick Mars.



Anonymous HepCee said...

You are my fucking hero. Please keep it up. Much much love,

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"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly, he'll basically give you a hard time. He'll be bigger, faster, and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, But, he'll be pretty good in the sack."
"I can put up with that," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, there is one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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