Thursday, March 09, 2006

Love's Holiday (Spring Is Starting Over)

1. Sly Stone "Skin I'm In"
2. One Way "Shine On Me"
3. Velvet Haze "Last Day On Earth"
4. The Counts "Why Not Start All Over Again?
5. Curtis Mayfield "Wild & Free"
6. Moses Dillard "Bring Your Dreams To Me"
7. Convertion "Let's Do It"
8. Earth, Wind & Fire "Love's Holiday"

I’ve been waking up every day for about the last 8, with a deep, deep, deep, feeling of romance in my stomach. Nostalgia is pouring out of every pocket, staining every shoelace, affecting the taste of every beer, every cigarette I smoke, and so on. Even on the days when I have felt fucked up, paranoid, anxious; it still busts through all of that and has been really sustaining me lately.

Now, keep in mind, I’m a 25 year old father, who dances around in the mirror lip syncing to my favorite records, just like I did when I was 8. Only now I have an audience, my 1 year old son. So, I’m full of romance, I’m a sucker for it actually, be it relevant or false, I damn near rely upon it. Its one of the personality traits I’m actually glad for. Without it, I would have really spent my entire life being a total failure.

I’ve been thinking about things though; the period in time that my wife and I met, bringing my son home from the hospital, being 19 and burning bridges, listening to Sly, feeling Eddie Hazel, walking down the street with a beer, making horrible decisions meeting the greatest and most important friends and figures I have ever known in my life, giving in to being powerless, walking out of jobs with “fuck you” for the last word, slap boxing for till bruised and pinked, passing out in my front yard in the pouring rain, losing everything, realizing the power and importance of those hours upon hours spent alone lying stomach down on the floor in silence then with music then with talking to myself then with silence then with banging then with music; and did I mention making bad decisions?

I don’t front on a bad decision. There used to be a greater part of me that needed the security of a positive outcome, often preventing me from letting go and doing what was really, youthfully right. This ended when I was about 16. It wasn’t over night, but something just started to bend in me. What I perceived as fault at the time, of just giving less and less of a fuck, was really the amnesty of my shackled soul being granted.

In a way, you always sort of miss those times; the period you spent learning those big lessons. I don’t know man, I think I like how Sly put it, “If you’re real you never slack, you got to go”.

The songs listed above, have been and will always be, some of the songs that make me clinch up and sing to myself with squinty eyes and swollen neck veins.



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